Exit 6

So this past weekend brought the arrival of a long-awaited Christmas tree trimming party that is annually hosted by a close friend of mine. In light of the recent circumstances of my being, I decided that while I didn't want to strictly prohibit myself from drinking at the party, that I should limit myself. Well, I can report that neither of those options happened. Instead, I like most of the people attending the party, over-indulged myself and ended up with a nasty hang-over the next morning. While I didn't accomplish my goal of limiting myself, I was able to stop myself from repeating the mistakes that I made two weeks ago.

In fact, I was surprisingly able to attempt to mount some of my social anxieties. I typically feel extremely awkward when talking to people that I don't know very well. It is they, and not strangers that cause me a majority of the stress that I feel when out. Typically, I assume that I am unmemorable. Rather than have that verified by being introduced, AGAIN to those people, I simply avoid them all together. It is a truly self full filling prophecy because by hiding and slinking away, I am inevitably becoming unmemorable. So, this weekend I decided that while in the safety of a friend's home to try and surmount these fears. I went up and introduced myself to those people I hadn't met before and attempted to initiate conversations with these I had. When someone acted as though they didn't remember me, I offered the situations at which we had been previously introduced. It was definitely an awkward and uncomfortable situation for me, but I believe I am stronger for having undertaking the task.

Although I felt horrible on Sunday, I did have some feeling that I had made some progress in overcoming some fears that tend to stop me from easily meeting new people. I had to forgive myself for over indulging in the the beverages and told myself I still need to work on monitoring that. But i had to forgive myself, which is not an easy thing to do. I would forgive any other person for that. Why was is so much harder to forgive myself?

But with the success of the party for me personally, I feel empowered that next time, I will be a little more confident and even more able to address those fears and anxieties when they decide to rear the nasty little heads.